I’m a 21 year old guy and struggle with depression for my whole life because of traumatic things I experienced from my parents.
About 2 years ago I completely lost all my spirit and willingness in life. I fell into this dark hole where I’m not able to do anything on my own anymore and had to move back to my parents since I wasn’t able to live on my own anymore.
Since then I spent the full 2 years completely alone in my room every single day and haven’t been outside or met anyone since. I only get outside maybe once a month to buy groceries but except from that I don’t see the world anymore, have no activities to do and live with pure hopelessness, no money and very little food.
Even though my family knows all that and I’m crying out for help, no one is helping me. I’ve lived in many facilities before, went to therapy and have a psychiatrist but all they do is talk but that’s it. I tried my very best but realized that I’m just not capable to live on my own.
And then all my parents do (especially my father) is treating me the same way like when I was a kid that caused my depression in the first place by letting out their dissatisfaction/frustration with themselves on me and baselessly blaming/criticizing me for every little thing. And all that is just making it so much worse and harder for me to get out of the situation.
They let me suffer in hell until I go insane or die.
I don’t understand why this world is so cruel. It feels like no one cares about people who suffer.
I don’t get that. If I was better off and knew someone in such a situation I would do everything to help them and give them what they need. Why is no one helping and just let you suffer like that?
This got long and rambly, sorry.
My main suggestion: Make connections over dumb shit, like the videogames and shows you like, and eventually you’ll meet people who are real friends who want to help. That’s what a friend of mine did. They struggled for years to find a medication that did something, moving around, starting over, struggling with jobs, moving back home, and so on. And sometimes their anime conversations turned into chats about what was going on in their life, and their fandom pal’s life, and sometimes they’d just vent. Those nerdy people weren’t all winners, but there were enough who wanted to help that they kept going until they were more stable.
They had their mental breakdown around the same age you did, which is why they came to mind. I had mine around the age you are now. What worked for them is going to be different than what can work for you, but it’s worth it to keep going.
Also, shame in being where you are is a big thing that kept me, personally, from getting help. I look back at myself and I’m like, I was sick and struggling. I was allowed to be that way. Past me needed help, damn! Anyone who thought badly of that was a shithead! I didn’t deserve the way I was treated as a child, either. I was just a dumb kid! I look at kids now, and I’m like, how could you treat one of these how I was treated. They don’t know shit and will learn when people teach them!
Switching meds helped my friend. I think they turned out to have a bipolar that looked like depression, so figuring that out helped find a drug that did something. This took ages, but they joined a mental health day group at the local hospital and they had an expert in psych medicine who wasn’t afraid to switch things up. Sometimes you can get access to better expertise joining a group like that, if it’s tough to find it one on one.
I dunno. If you just keep trying stuff, you’ll have a shot at finding the right combination. Sorry about the long ramble. My 20’s sucked. I’ve met a lot of people who had shitty years who met each other because of dumb shit and that’s how they got a job, med advice, or a place to move. Maybe it’s bad advice but there are people who want to help out there and silly connections over hobbies can up your odds of finding them. Probably purely by upping the numbers of people you know, but, whatever.