This happened last weekend and I canāt stop thinking about it. My boyfriend invited me to his companyās Christmas dinner and I was excited but also nervous. I wanted to make a good impression so I spent a lot of time picking the perfect outfit, doing my hair, and ensuring I was presentable.
When we arrived everything seemed fine at first. I introduced myself to his coworkers and they were polite if not a little stiff. As the night went on though things took a turn.
During dinner my boyfriend made a joke about my job. Iām an event planner and he works in corporate finance. He said something like āShe just plans parties for a living while Iām out here making real money.ā People laughed but I felt a lump in my throat. I work hard and Iām proud of what I do so hearing him belittle me like that stung.
I tried to laugh it off to keep things light but then he doubled down. Someone asked me about my favorite event Iād planned and before I could answer he interrupted saying āProbably one of those kidsā birthday parties. Thatās her level of expertise.ā Everyone laughed again and I just sat there mortified.
The final straw came during dessert when people were sharing funny stories. He decided to tell an embarrassing story about me that Iāve explicitly asked him not to share before. Itās a personal story from early in our relationship involving a mishap I had while meeting his parents. I was practically begging him with my eyes to stop but he told the story anyway.
I felt like I couldnāt breathe. Everyone was laughing, and I wanted to disappear. I quietly told him I wasnāt okay with what he was doing but he brushed me off, saying āDonāt be so uptightāitās all in good fun.ā
At that point I couldnāt take it anymore. I excused myself thanked the host and left. When he got home he was furious accusing me of embarrassing him by leaving. He said I made him look bad in front of his coworkers and that I was being overly sensitive.
Now heās refusing to apologize and insists I owe him an apology for āoverreacting.ā My friends are split some say I shouldāve stayed and dealt with it later while others think he crossed the line.
So? Thoughts ?
This is clearly abusive behavior, and it will only escalate the longer you stick around.
Check out this book, itās a quick read and really demystifies the behavior of abusive partners: https://archive.org/details/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/mode/2up
Quite clearly. Even if you wanted to forgive his attempts at humor at your expense, his insistence on you apologizing is indicative of your feelings being beneath his. He cannot place himself in your position to realize it was hurtful, and this will escalate as time passes.
He decided to tell an embarrassing story about me that Iāve explicitly asked him not to share before
Thatās not a red flag, thatās the end of the relationship.
Sounds like he needs to be an ex-boyfriend. He doesnāt respect you
You were absolutely in the right. He crossed the line in a major way. Itās one thing to lightly tease about your career, but denigrating your skill at the job you love and sharing something you explicitly asked to never be shared is way too far. Iām not going to jump to the classic ābreak up nowā trope, but I think youāll have to arrange a serious conversation about your boundaries and how you were hurt.
Fuck that shit, I wouldnāt give this guy the time of day afterwards.
Homeboy is insecure and a coward. Iāve been around similar idiots. They feel insecure in front of the bros theyāre trying to impress so they pick on someone they think will not defend themselves. In my case they pick on me being short. Dumbasses arenāt even creative so itās easy to snap right back having heard their jokes a million times. They donāt like that. Theyāre super sensitive. Dump his ass, you deserve better. All heās going to do is double down. If you cave, it will only get worse.
If youāre there for the money, then dealing with the abuse is your job. Itās not one Iād recommend. Has it worked out well for Melania?
He probably resents your current job because it interferes with his control over you.
Iām not one of those people who will tell you to lawyer up, hit the boss, and delete the gym for every situation. This one is a pretty big red flag though. Is this a one-off or is it a pattern?
Iām sorry you went through that. The way he treated you is 100% not okay. Your boyfriend appears to be lacking a reasonable level of empathy and EQ. Itās likely to only get worse. It may not be quite on the nose but google the acronym DARVO.
If he were a half-decent person heād apologize to you regardless of how he feltāthatās what people do when they respect you and give a shit.
As for your friends who thought you should have dealt with thatā¦ get some friends with some fucking empathy. Thatās not how people treat each other when they care.
Again, sorry you went through that. Itās shitty.
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If you have to ask the question, you already know the answer. Donāt be with someone who doesnāt respect you; then you donāt respect yourself, and you are lost. You deserve respect, and we all do. I send my love and hope you find a better place.
No way! He is 100% to blame. I would never consider saying anything that would hurt my wife, especially not to entertain coworkers. That guy massively crossed the line of trust and protection. If he canāt see that, then that means this will be normal behavior for him. He also showed that he doesnāt respect what you do and thinks it is silly. Iām very sorry, but you should evaluate your future with him. It sounds like you live together, so itās going to be hard.
Heās a fucking arrogant prick. Dump his narcissistic ass.
Surely this wasnāt the first red flag. Why you with a clown if you donāt enjoy the circus
He sounds like a twat. Why are you with him? Is he holding your mother hostage or something?
Did I just see this on Reddit?
Is this also you? https://hilariouschaos.com/post/667328
Since chatgpt has AITA in its training data, thereās a good chance you did lol
