• The Snark Urge@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    137
    arrow-down
    3
    ·
    1 year ago

    Adopting is great. Not everyone should do it.

    Autism is difficult. Their lives are not ruined.

    I can see some of the arguments of antinatalists but the online culture of it seems to have a nihilism/blackpill problem.

    • fckreddit@lemmy.ml
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      82
      arrow-down
      6
      ·
      1 year ago

      It’s autism, not a death sentence.

      To me, it seems like online discussions for any stance, has to turn to it’s most extreme. It’s like their way or highway type of deal. Whatever happened to nuanced discussion, I wonder.

      • tweeks@feddit.nl
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        8
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        1 year ago

        I think it stems from the more difficult cases, and people failing to realize the actual suffering that comes with that.

        As with all extremes, a lot of emotions are involved. People who see / experience the hardships don’t feel heard. As the general tendency is that one needs to be alive and that this is good, this hurts people who do not want to live (like this).

        Going to a lot of trouble to conceive, and bringing triple the amount of possible suffering that people experience can be felt as worse than a death sentence. Therefore people feel the need to be vocal about this.

        But in the end I agree, there is nuance. But there is the extreme as well, which weighs heavier here?

        • Shou@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          8
          ·
          1 year ago

          Exactly this.

          A life like the ones that suffer, you just wouldn’t wish upon someone innocent. Though going full eugenics is a bit too far off the end there. I get it, but I don’t agree that everyone should avoid having children.

          Though it does pain me to see this one couple (both autistic) have a child without considering how the kid will be affected. Despite one of them having a low-functioning brother who is a burden (and I don’t mean lightly) on their mother and she never helps her out.

          It’s an extreme case here. I just hope their daughter will have a good life.

        • Globeparasite@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          1
          arrow-down
          1
          ·
          1 year ago

          you’re right but don’t underestimate redditor’s self righteousness so fast. They convinced themselves they are absolutely right and moral so everyone who thinks differently is evil and the one who aren’t as radicals are idiot. This post stems first from a posture which is basically “I know EXACTLY how to live the perfect healthy life and everyone who thinks differently is brainwashed and stupid”

      • Tb0n3@sh.itjust.works
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        9
        arrow-down
        27
        ·
        edit-2
        1 year ago

        We would certainly be better off without it. Doesn’t it have a much higher likelihood of happening when women bear children around 40? If we know a partial cause then maybe we should avoid it. I saw a billboard about a 58-year-old woman having a baby and I was horrified.

  • Flying Squid@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    90
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    1 year ago

    Why do they think autism is some sort of horror story where kids suffer in agony or something?

    • Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      81
      ·
      1 year ago

      Autism Speaks played a huuuge part in making that the dominant narrative about autism for the past 20 years or so.

      In the 00s (maybe early 10s?) one of the videos they made for parents of newly diagnosed children had a parent talking about how she was considering driving off a bridge to kill herself and her autistic child, but didn’t because her non-autistic child was also in the car. This was presented as totally normal and just a way to prepare for how an autistic child will ruin your life.

        • glimse@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          17
          ·
          1 year ago

          I didn’t know until I saw it getting trashed on the autism subreddit and asked why… So keep getting the word out!

          • Flying Squid@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            15
            ·
            1 year ago

            I will. I don’t have ASD but several of my loved ones do and I’m glad Autism Speaks hasn’t gotten to them and made them ashamed of who they are.

      • fckreddit@lemmy.ml
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        8
        arrow-down
        2
        ·
        1 year ago

        But, there must be ways to manage the ill effects of Autism. Parents can talk to experts, instead dealing with it on their own.

        • Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          20
          ·
          1 year ago

          I get what you’re saying, and caretakers certainly deserve support, even (especially!) when they’re talking about wanting to kill their own child, even if for no other reason than the child’s safety.

          IMO Autism Speaks’ biggest issue is that their money comes from marketing autism as a horrible disease that affects only or primarily children, which only increases stigma against autistic people of all ages. They also have the problem of having no autistic members involved in a meaningful capacity in the organization, and AFAIK the only autistic member of their board of directors left because they were essentially ignored. That absolutely flies in the face of decades of disability advocacy, where a common refrain is “nothing about us without us.”

          TL;DR: caretakers deserve support but Autism Speaks is super awful.

      • Globeparasite@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        2
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        1 year ago

        very sane behaviour regarding your child.

        When that kind of parents how their autistic child is very difficult and that it keeps getting worse I am always feeling like : Karen, only 10 % of your kid issues are caused by his autism, the 90% are 100% because you treat him like shit and he is turbo-traumatized

    • OurTragicUniverse@kbin.social
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      20
      arrow-down
      3
      ·
      1 year ago

      Suicide is one of the top three causes of death for autistic people. The other two are heart disease and epilepsy complications, and on average we die under 50 years of age.

      • AnotherOne@feddit.de
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        44
        arrow-down
        3
        ·
        1 year ago

        What they don’t understand though is that the suicide part isn’t caused by autism. It’s caused by people being horrible to each other. Or in other words: people with autism die because people without it make living hell for them.

      • Flying Squid@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        39
        arrow-down
        4
        ·
        1 year ago

        Yes, but that’s not due to autism, that’s due to the way society treats autistic people.

          • TSG_Asmodeus (he, him)@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            3
            ·
            1 year ago

            My daughter has it, and I’d say about 5-10 years ago it changed. The amount of acceptance is so much higher than it used to be. Obviously we need work, but hell in my city there are special times at both grocery stores and movie theatres for neuro-diverse people. The difference to a decade ago is extreme.

          • moitoi@feddit.de
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            2
            arrow-down
            1
            ·
            1 year ago

            It’s beginning to change in the academic world. The deficit model is falling for the difference/diversity paradigm.

        • Globeparasite@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          1
          ·
          1 year ago

          actually everyone treat others like shit. But what NT have is a much stronger upport circle and fewer difference.

          By fewer difference I mean that you cant pick on someone that everyone around him does : A boss can’t really bully a NT for using implicite dicourse when all of their collegues does the exact same, they would immediately realise something is wrong. The average NT knowing jackshit about autism, it can be easy to trick them into thinking that ND should “just make an effort” to understand implicite discourse.

          That’s sad part, we are technically all targeted with the same amount of flak so if you are slightly out of cover, you get blasted away

              • Flying Squid@lemmy.world
                link
                fedilink
                English
                arrow-up
                3
                arrow-down
                1
                ·
                1 year ago

                So you don’t have any idea why so many people on the spectrum commit suicide but you don’t think it’s the way they’re regularly mistreated?

                • Lols [they/them]@lemm.ee
                  link
                  fedilink
                  English
                  arrow-up
                  3
                  arrow-down
                  2
                  ·
                  edit-2
                  1 year ago

                  i think that the mistreatment of folks with autism is not enough to explain to have this high of a suicide rate, and that autism does just make life harder to deal with, regardless of discrimination

      • TSG_Asmodeus (he, him)@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        6
        ·
        1 year ago

        It’s also the 2nd leading cause of death for 2SLGBTQ+ youth:

        The Trevor Project’s 2022 National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health found that 45% of LGBTQ youth seriously considered attempting suicide in the past year, including more than half of transgender and nonbinary youth.

        So there’s a lot more suffering in general for anyone basically not white, straight, (and depending on circumstances, male). Autism isn’t a death sentence. While people with severe autism struggle a lot more than most, they can have very good fulfilling lives. Source: My daughter (23) has (moderate) autism and her best friend (23) has severe.

        • Globeparasite@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          2
          ·
          1 year ago

          can add the healthy for white and straight if you’re in the USA. Also just methodologically poc are faced with very different risk with racially motivated crimes and the fact that ethnic getthoisation create strong social support structures will help curb suicidal tendencies.

          Even if the struggles can be similar, the supplementary problem with LGBTQ+, is loneliness. There are actually very few of them, so finding people like you that understand your struggles is very difficult. That really hit me when I talked for the first time with people leading association supporting LGBTQ, most of the work is reaching out to people to tell them they are not alone

    • moitoi@feddit.de
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      10
      ·
      1 year ago

      It’s a mix of the ABA industry, early researchers and socio-environmental issues.

      Early researchers cultivate the myth of the normative human. Autists were an altered version of human that has to be corrected. If a human wasn’t corrected to match the norm, it could not be happy in life and will suffer it’s entire life.

      So autists have to be corrected (we know it’s false) to be happy whatever the means. It ended with electric shock and others stuffs seen during WW2. This is how ABA was created. It relies on the fears of autists not being happy until they are corrected.

      ABA, PBT and all the others acronyms has built an industry worth a lot of money. They finance more research on the field with huge standard, COI and consent issues among others. They need to keep the fear in the population to keep the business up.

      The third is the new way to see autism. The struggles of autists are mostly socio-environmental. It means that issues aren’t the person and autism. It’s a lack of acceptance of the diversity by the neurological majority. It implies discrimination, patronizing, and violence against autists.

      • stolid_agnostic@lemmy.ml
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        3
        ·
        1 year ago

        Early researchers cultivate the myth of the normative human.

        We are still there with mental illness. People have this idea that there are “normal” people and those who require therapy, as if there is a single person on earth that didn’t come out of their childhood with some level of trauma.

        • Globeparasite@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          1
          ·
          1 year ago

          Well actually not that much. Two things. First, some trauma can be dealt with thanks to your support circle. Second, the thing is our experience of others is never representative of the overall society. You could look at my social circle and claim it as an argument. But that is not taking in account that my circle is small and not made of average people.

          Lastly. Everyone suffered a cold once, they were not damned, not everyone is constantly sick. Though you wouldn’t say there is no difference between sick and healthy people. Still everyone will go to the doctor once. In my country that is this approach much closer to physiological medicine that mental health professional promote.

  • DumbAceDragon@sh.itjust.works
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    86
    arrow-down
    10
    ·
    edit-2
    1 year ago

    Taking a quick look at the comments I see we’re back to 2000s autism speaks bullshit.

    Autistic people aren’t suffering unless you’re putting them in a system that treats them as subhuman.

  • Leraje@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    74
    arrow-down
    6
    ·
    1 year ago

    I’m not speaking for autistic people here, but I am speaking as parent to two children (now adults) on the spectrum.

    Autistic children do not ruin your life and do not have ruined lives themselves. As with all parenting, sometimes things are very, very difficult and sometimes things are very, very easy. This isn’t unique to raising a neurodiverse child, this is just parenting. The unique challenges that parenting a neurodiverse child brings are 99% of the time caused by how society thinks these children/adults are and assumptions about whats best for them without actually asking them rather than any sort of intrinsic issue caused by their autism or ADHD or any other neurological difference. For the remaining 1% of the time, you just do your best.

    The narrative that neurological difference, in particular autism, ruins lives has, in its modern form, been with us since Andrew Wakefield first perpetuated his fraudulent claims of vaccine damage causing autism. It was spread by antivaxx/autism activist parent groups like Jenny McCarthy’s Generation Rescue and the truly despicable people at Autism Speaks. These are the people who’ve ruined lives.

    • whoisearth@lemmy.ca
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      18
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      1 year ago

      I like you. I have 2 autistic kids (still kids) and one neurotypical kid. There is no difference in raising them. Every kid has their unique challenges. I never raise my children differently unless it requires it.

    • sunbrrnslapper@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      9
      arrow-down
      1
      ·
      1 year ago

      Agreed! I am also super grateful for the unique experiences autism has provided our family (a trip to the fan museum and carwash show, among others).

        • sunbrrnslapper@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          6
          ·
          1 year ago

          The International Carwash Show happens each year in Las Vegas. It is all sorts of people in the industry: owners, manufacturers, services etc. Everyone was so nice. They even let us walk through the carwash equipment when it was turned on!

    • stolid_agnostic@lemmy.ml
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      1
      ·
      1 year ago

      From personal experience, the ability of people in the spectrum to feel happiness depends entirely on whether their parents were willing to make adjustments to see their children feel well. Most will want their child to be just like every other one and will damage them deeply in the pursuit of that.

    • GreenMario@lemm.ee
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      14
      arrow-down
      13
      ·
      1 year ago

      Are you certain your adult children don’t resent being born with autism?

      Because I put on a hella front for my mom. Just throwing that out there.

      • Leraje@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        14
        arrow-down
        1
        ·
        1 year ago

        I’m not naive (or arrogant) enough to think I know everything my kids are thinking and neither am I suggesting their lives are 100% perfect but all of them (on the spectrum or not) are all pretty forthright, confident adults. When they were teens they of course went through some shit related to their being autistic, but none of that was because they were autistic, it was down to how other people/situations made them feel because they were autistic. I’m as sure as any parent can ever be that I’ve never detected any kind of prolonged resentment or unhappiness at the fact of their autism.

        We never taught them that ‘autism is a superpower’ because it isn’t. Sometimes it has advantages and sometimes there are disadvantages and describing someone elses life as superpowered puts an unrealistic expectation of happiness and accomplishment on them. By the same token, neither are their lives a ruin and my life as their parent most certainly wasn’t ruined.

        • HelixDab2@lemm.ee
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          7
          arrow-down
          4
          ·
          1 year ago

          it was down to how other people/situations made them feel because they were autistic.

          That’s a meaningless distinction. The end result is identical.

          It would be foolhardy to say that you–an assumed neurotypical person–need to be close, personal friends with everyone in your life. You select your friends–and they select you–based on how well you fit each other. The fundamental problem is that autistic people, broadly speaking, don’t fit with neurotypical people. A high-functioning autistic person will eventually realize that, and realize just how utterly alone they are in life. They will realize that the people they think of as friends will never think of them as a friend. Their social circle, if they’re lucky, might consist of a small handful of people with overlapping interests, but are not an actual social support network.

          I discovered this in 2014 when I failed to complete a suicide, and lost 95% of the people I believed were friends.

          I am functional on a surface level. I have a job, I’m mostly self-sufficient, I’m married to someone that is also likely neurodivergent after having been in an abusive relationship for over a decade. I’ve noticed that the less able we are to mask, the more our social circle contracts. We can not reasonably expect that people will life us, or include us in their social circles.

          • Leraje@lemmy.blahaj.zone
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            8
            arrow-down
            1
            ·
            1 year ago

            I disagree, its not in my opinion a meaningless distinction at all. A difficulty in cognition might prevent a person from reading War And Peace. Thats a direct result of having a learning disability. Someone with a visual disability who cannot access audio books or braille versions of War And Peace is not being affected by their disability but by the fact an accessible version is not available.

            You might argue the end result is the same - an inability to read War And Peace - but the point is that for the person with a visual disability the situation is fixable if society is prepared to make the effort.

            In regards to your situation you’ve had terrible experiences but they are not down to the fact youre autistic, they’re down to the fact your NT ‘friends’ weren’t really friends at all. I’m sorry they let you down but I’m pretty sure I could find similar stories where nobody in the story was autistic.

            • HelixDab2@lemm.ee
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              7
              arrow-down
              3
              ·
              1 year ago

              Autism is a disability. A person with an IQ of 50 simply isn’t going to be able to understand War and Peace; you can’t dumb the book down sufficiently for someone to understand if they’re going to struggle all their life to be able to put on shoes that lace instead of using Velcro. People with dyslexia can listen to audiobooks; there’s no audiobook version of deep, fulfilling friendships and social support networks, because people on the autistic spectrum are going to have a hard time offering neurotypical people the what they need. A person that’s on the autism spectrum is never going to be able to have social interactions in the same way that neurotypical people can, and those social interactions are necessary to being able to function in society. Some people on the spectrum may be able to appear normal on a surface level and will be able to get by, but it’s fucking exhausting. People that have the misfortune to be lower functioning than I am may not be able to mask effectively at all.

              That’s without even getting into constrained interests, difficulty with coordination and forming positive habits–I still struggle to remember to brush my teeth daily in my middle age–or executive dysfunction.

              • Leraje@lemmy.blahaj.zone
                link
                fedilink
                English
                arrow-up
                5
                ·
                1 year ago

                I never claimed autism wasn’t a disability. The fact that autistic people are disabled in some ways isn’t in question. But its neither just a disability or - like all disabilities - something that isn’t disabling by virtue of the world its part of rather than its intrinsic nature.

                For example, you say an autistic person cannot experience social interaction in the same way as a non autistic person. True. But the non autistic person can, with very little adjustment, be aware of that. My kids have good relationships with NT friends and whilst they might not experience them in the same way as NT friendships, they still find them fulfilling.

                • HelixDab2@lemm.ee
                  link
                  fedilink
                  English
                  arrow-up
                  3
                  arrow-down
                  9
                  ·
                  1 year ago

                  Those people are likely your kids’ best friends. Your kids are likely not their best friends.

                  Aside from marrying someone that is also neurodivergent, it is unlikely that your children will ever be the best friend of another person. They may be the friend that offers the most help, the person that always shows up to the party with lots of food and a keg, the ones that are always there with tape, boxes, and a truck when someone needs to pack up and move, the one with a spare couch when someone needs a place to stay for a couple days. …But not the best friend. If they’re very, very lucky, they’ll end up married to someone else that is also neurodivergent; otherwise, they may end up married to someone that is neurotypical, and will be taken advantage of and/or abused by their partner for their entire life.

                  That’s what you’re missing.

                  Social interactions end up being lopsided, and can never be anything but.

          • emergencyfood@sh.itjust.works
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            3
            arrow-down
            1
            ·
            1 year ago

            The fundamental problem is that autistic people, broadly speaking, don’t fit with neurotypical people. A high-functioning autistic person will eventually realize that, and realize just how utterly alone they are in life. They will realize that the people they think of as friends will never think of them as a friend.

            First, I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. But from my personal experience, I know that I have three friends who have autism and/or ADHD. In each case, I did not know this until they told me. If I can’t even know who is autistic without them telling me, how can I treat them differently?

            Now I understand that it is possible that some behaviours of mine could make my autistic friends uncomfortable, while not affecting my other friends. But if I am doing something like that, it is out of ignorance rather than malice, and I would of course adjust my behaviour if asked to.

            So I don’t get why you think autistic people ‘don’t fit with neurotypical people’. I have friends who speak other languages, and autism is also, in a sense, speaking a different ‘body language’. With some effort, we should be able to improve communication.

            • HelixDab2@lemm.ee
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              4
              arrow-down
              2
              ·
              1 year ago

              The fact that you just aren’t understanding what I’m saying is demonstrating my point. You aren’t able to understand my point of view, and think that everything can just be solved by people working harder. It’s the same kind of belief that says that depressed and anxious people can be cured by just thinking happy thoughts and touching grass.

              • emergencyfood@sh.itjust.works
                link
                fedilink
                English
                arrow-up
                2
                ·
                1 year ago

                Can you be more specific? Why cannot autistic people fit in with others? Is it that others recognise them as being different and exclude them? Or is it that there are differences in the way we speak or behave that make you uncomfortable? And if it is the latter, what in particular should we change?

          • Globeparasite@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            1
            arrow-down
            1
            ·
            1 year ago

            Yes 95% of your friends aren’t your best friends. They have their own struggle and hardships to deal with. So yes, in your situation both side needed to focus on themselves.

            Lastly before being worried about the general population not including you in their social circles, did you ask yourself why you would be in their circles ? Because you were colleagues ? Or neighbour. I also am in a situation were I have virtually no friends and it fucking hurts. Loneliness fucking hurts, it ache the minds and psychology its among the worst pain I ever felt.

            Though in the past years I’ve looked not for others but for things that passionated me first. And there I found people which liked me and that I liked. Some people are wildly different than me, others are likeminded but we connected. I don’t know my classmates but I have a few friends among my martial arts club. And I am not unhappy of the lack of connexion I have with my class, I don’t think we’d really fit. Despite the social constructs that claims a student’s first circle must be his class, I don’t, and its fine, I just look elsewhere for people, in place where I fit.

        • No_@lemm.ee
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          2
          arrow-down
          9
          ·
          1 year ago

          How dare you say that to someone with autism about their own experiences? Seems like you’re just inflammatory and an asshole.

          • Dym Sohin@lemmy.world
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            5
            ·
            1 year ago

            hi, i am in fact someone else with autism (undiscovered for 30+ years, it was quite a find) but also with a physical birth defect, which was very much defining and way more impactful.

            “didn’t ask being born” is a trend most people go through at some point, especially in lower classes, where life itself is a struggle if not outright suffering. but who else can you blame for your existence if not your parents?

            this is a pain point, which can not be ignored forever. “put on a front” only works until it doesnt anymore, and its better to talk about it instead of waiting until someone snapped. resenting and rebelling against parents is part of growing up, no matter the mental or physical condition.

            but no one is really at fault, personally, everyone did their best they could at the time, and the best everyone can do is help each other.

  • TimewornTraveler@lemm.ee
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    51
    arrow-down
    9
    ·
    1 year ago

    just popping in to say I love being alive and I’m thankful for my parents keeping me! I made friends with a seagull today. couldn’t have done that if I was never born. fuck yeah!

  • sapient [they/them]@sh.itjust.works
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    48
    arrow-down
    7
    ·
    1 year ago

    ITT: people advocating eugenics on themselves. I hate it. I hate seeing it. And stuff like this is psychologically destructive to read for me.

    If people here don’t like others with similar traits to them advocating that their life and perspective is not valuable and that they should hate it and wish no-one new experience it, I recommend avoiding this thread - even moreso if you have suicidal tendencies. It was very upsetting for me ;-;, even though I personally have no intent to have kids.

    • UnicornKitty@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      9
      ·
      1 year ago

      Same. Out of all my lost jobs, only two can be proven (by me only of course) to be because of some autistic trait I have.

      While I don’t value my own life as much as I should, I know I have value to others, and most of that is due to my traits. In fact, I’m starting a job today that wants me specifically because of those traits. I never thought I’d work again.

      I have saved dozens of kitten lives, who go on to make their new human’s life better.

      I used to hate myself. I’ve learned to embrace the way I am and couldn’t imagine being any other way. The people whose lives I have made a positive impact on would agree. I don’t have to rule the world, but my household is efficient because of me.

      Eugenics isn’t the answer. I’d bet if we had the right resources available, none of the people in this thread would say that. Everyone deserves a chance at a good life. Corporate greed is the reason we don’t have those resources.

  • The dogspaw @midwest.social
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    35
    arrow-down
    1
    ·
    1 year ago

    As someone on the spectrum its ridiculous to say there life ruined first off its a spectrum so who knows how server there condition is and they can learn to live with help

    • Striker@lemmy.worldOP
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      24
      arrow-down
      12
      ·
      edit-2
      1 year ago

      The sad thing is there’s tons of autistic people on that sub that geniuely think like that about themselves. One of my worst experiences posting was interacting with that place and getting another autistic person talking about how they wish to die, how they wanted to be hate crime’d and literally talked about offing themselves just to spite me. That person blocked me so I have no idea what they are up to these days. This was nearly a year ago and there’s a good chance they’ve taken their life since then.

      I fucking hate r/antinatalism. Its 100% should be banned. Its literally just severely depressed people talking themselves deeper into depression.

      • GreenMario@lemm.ee
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        8
        arrow-down
        8
        ·
        1 year ago

        I’m a long time.lurker there before leaving reddit for good. I’ve seen most of the posts for years.

        Antinatalism is not a depression cult, though it does attract that type but more of a “we see life as a net negative experience and it isn’t our right to inflict it on others”.

        It’s why they’re so pro adoption since those kids are already born so the damage has been done. I don’t think those people are depressed or suicidal.

        I’m 40 so I’ve been around. Ever since middle school I knew I love my theoretical kids too much to have them born into this world. So far, there hasn’t been any kind of evidence or experience I had to change my mind. I’m a wage slave. My “kids” would be wage slaves. They might have to fight in resource wars when climate change or rise of Nazis start really ramping up. I don’t want them to have a worse life than me and I cannot provide or promise one. I don’t think there ever was a time in history where procreation was a good idea.

        You can do everything right and still get a rocket dropped on your home. Your kids can still become target practice for the next psycho at school. Hell, your kids could become the psychos! Every evil person that exists or has has been someone’s “beautiful baby”.

        To me this comes off as gambling. You are gambling that you will have a bright, kind, Neurotypical kid that will grow up to be great and spread happiness and what not.

        Thing I don’t get is why people find Antinatalist philosophy so goddamn triggering. We can’t change your mind you are going to do whatever the fuck you want. So many hateful responses to it when you can just walk away. Why?

        And as far as the OG post, if you are autistic, know that autism is hereditary and still have kids in spite of all that, that’s an evil sadistic act! How can you hate your theoretical kids so damn much? I feel sorry for them, but fuck the mother.

        • Globeparasite@lemmy.world
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          1
          arrow-down
          2
          ·
          edit-2
          1 year ago

          Antinatalism is not a depression cult

          Absolutely it is a eugenics flavored death cult

          To me this comes off as gambling

          Gambling where your actions and your relatives actions can impact 95% of the results is gambling. Never heard of a school shooters who had a perfectly normal education before. Either they were brought up to be like that or drifted away toward horrors with no one giving a damn

          Thing I don’t get is why people find Antinatalist philosophy so goddamn triggering

          It is very good to read a theoritical book, but the first thing outsiders will look at are the followers of said philosophy. And for antinatalist they are a shittons of eugenicist and insensitive people. The main virtual breeding ground for that philosophy is reddit. Already said everything but let’s go on. There I saw a post by a man whose sister announced him she was pregnant and he reacted by berating her, throwing mean and spiteful remarks and every comment was cheering him and trashing the woman. The real question is : why are antinatalist so triggered and hateful towards even their loved ones who don’t follow their philosophy ? The reality portrayed by antinalist is one where they are bothered by family members trying to convince them to have kids or weirded out that you don’t want one while they disown their sisters who get pregnant.

          And i won’t talk about the misoginy

    • GreenMario@lemm.ee
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      11
      arrow-down
      13
      ·
      1 year ago

      It’s true though. Living with autism is like choosing the Nightmare difficulty option in life.

      Source: me

      • Walk_blesseD@lemmy.blahaj.zone
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        22
        ·
        1 year ago

        Look here, Mario. You are speaking for exactly one (1) person. Your personal experience of autism is not universal. Some of us just have better circumstances. Some of us are spiteful bitches who live for the difficulty. My point being, some of us actually like being alive, and are okay with being autists.

      • A_Chilean_Cyborg@feddit.cl
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        15
        ·
        1 year ago

        I politely disagree.

        Autism can* be terrible, just as autism can also allow to have a great life.

        So no, is not a true but a loose may.

  • groucho@lemmy.sdf.org
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    37
    arrow-down
    6
    ·
    1 year ago

    The people that want to restrict reproduction are acting like eugenicists? I’m shocked. This is my shocked face.

  • GeekyNerdyNerd@sh.itjust.works
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    53
    arrow-down
    24
    ·
    edit-2
    1 year ago

    Antinatalism is a more deranged branch of eugenics. It’s not simply “promoting eugenics” it’s a belief that giving birth is the greatest evil one can inflict upon a child and the world at large.

    That they’d clearly see us as subhuman isn’t surprising given that they at best want our entire species to voluntarily go extinct. Their entire worldview is best summed up as gentle genocide is good.

    • fckreddit@lemmy.ml
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      14
      arrow-down
      3
      ·
      1 year ago

      It’s like these people have forgotten there are people with different set of beliefs than their own.

      No matter how justified your beliefs are, you cannot impose them on others. This is true for religions and this is true for every single ideological stance out there.

    • surewhynotlem@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      13
      arrow-down
      23
      ·
      1 year ago

      They’re nuts, for sure.

      It’s also ridiculously cruel to create a consciousness knowing it’ll die.

      • GeekyNerdyNerd@sh.itjust.works
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        25
        arrow-down
        3
        ·
        edit-2
        1 year ago

        Unless you are religious and believe in eternal torment after death, death isn’t cruel, it’s simply an end to life, a permanent return to nonexistence no more or less cruel than having never been born.

        Additionally, while they aren’t exactly wrong in that going from nonexistence to existence results in an infinite increase in potential for suffering, that holds true for joy/happiness/pleasure.

        Imo bringing someone into being is not cruel nor wonderful, not moral nor immoral. It simply is.

        • discodoubloon@kbin.social
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          5
          ·
          edit-2
          1 year ago

          This is the only good logical argument I’ve heard against it and I’m on board. People get too emotional talking about this and antinatalists generally approach this from a point of logic.

          Most of the arguments I’ve seen so far are from sheltered first world people that have never suffered. They almost believe it’s a choice or that depression is just being really sad.

          They deny that depression can come up from actual consistently repeated experiences that someone can have no control over.

          The fact that most people on planet earth are suffering is what drives the idea. If your consciousness randomly hopped to the next person born on earth, would you want to live that life?

      • Cylusthevirus@kbin.social
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        21
        arrow-down
        6
        ·
        1 year ago

        It’s also ridiculously cruel to create a consciousness knowing it’ll die.

        No, it isn’t. There, now we’re on equal rhetorical footing unless you’d like to support that incredibly bold statement with … anything? A link? A train of thought?

      • Lt. Worf, son of Mogh@lemmy.ca
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        17
        arrow-down
        5
        ·
        1 year ago

        What is the alternative? Giving up on humanity existing?

        We can’t change that this how life exists in our reality.

      • folkrav@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        5
        arrow-down
        2
        ·
        1 year ago

        By that logic, wouldn’t the very existence of conscious life be cruel?

  • nichtsowichtig@feddit.de
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    31
    arrow-down
    4
    ·
    1 year ago

    I think antinatalism is a really interesting philosophy. But it falls apart as soon as you discriminate - It is fair to question the ethics of reproduction, but as soon as you discriminate you end up in eugenics territory. This subreddit is really hostile sadly. there is a lot of ableism under the disguise of antinatalism

    • GreenMario@lemm.ee
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      17
      ·
      1 year ago

      True antinatalism would say everyone should not have kids, regardless of anything. Of course nobody is enforcing this so it’s a kinda do whatever but maybe think twice before having kids.

  • Lt. Worf, son of Mogh@lemmy.ca
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    37
    arrow-down
    11
    ·
    1 year ago

    The antinatalism subreddit (and similar groups elsewhere) is one of the most toxic places on the internet. It just reeks of hatred, and worse yet, treats that hatred as some sort of virtue.

    Go live your life however you want, kids or no. But grouping up to talk shit about children or people who start families is just gross.

    • Blue@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      19
      arrow-down
      4
      ·
      1 year ago

      They can’t, they have to tell the world how better they are because they didn’t finish inside.

    • Cylusthevirus@kbin.social
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      14
      arrow-down
      5
      ·
      1 year ago

      “It’s not a toxic stew of depression and misanthropy guys, it’s a totally valid belief system!”

      • Lt. Worf, son of Mogh@lemmy.ca
        link
        fedilink
        English
        arrow-up
        10
        arrow-down
        3
        ·
        edit-2
        1 year ago

        This isn’t the first time I’ve seen it here or on reddit either, and it’s honestly sad.

        These groups always seem like doomers who have ingested so much negativity that they’ve developed depression. Either that, or they’re taking the loooong way to just telling their moms that they don’t want to start a family.

        • Railcar8095@lemm.ee
          link
          fedilink
          English
          arrow-up
          9
          ·
          1 year ago

          I lurked for a while there, and the most horrible realisation is that many had children, they just regretted so much. Those kids are fucked

          • Lt. Worf, son of Mogh@lemmy.ca
            link
            fedilink
            English
            arrow-up
            6
            ·
            1 year ago

            That’s really sad.

            And it also has the same energy as your divorced uncles telling you their theories about how “marriage is horrible”

      • Cylusthevirus@kbin.social
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        7
        ·
        1 year ago

        I have this theory that negative affinity groups (a term I made up for groups based on antipathy for something or someone) have a tendency towards toxic behavior. When you gain connection and social clout for dunking on someone or something, there’s very little incentive to be fair to them or show any kind of nuance.

        Contrast with groups with affirmative goals or a defined object of interest. The positive groups can measure progress towards their goals or new and interesting perspectives on their objects.