last night, for reasons i prefer to forget, i was up all night, avoiding walking past windows

my partner slept in the bedroom undeterred. heavy sleeper - the apartment noise doesn’t get to her. it helps that i haven’t bothered her with any of this. as far as she knows, we’ve just got plumbing issues and a bad fuse.

every other time i took the dog outside, i forgot to lock the doors. maybe i did it on purpose - if i need to anxiously clear every room, it gives me something else to do. some other reason to stay awake. i am currently avoiding the laundry closet.

last night i kept looking for this book on our bookshelves. two ghosts are haunting a castle for hundreds of years. a lonely french industrialist has the male ghost exorcised and he wants to renovate the place. it doesn’t go to plan. i feel like i’ve seen it since we moved, but i can’t find it anywhere. maybe its in the bedroom. i spent the entire night avoiding going in there – don’t want to wake her up

i opened the living room closet to check my junk box. when you move, make sure you keep a good junk box packed up. keep that thing packed for years. it’ll give you great joy when you finally find a spot to store it all. like ripping off a good bandaid.

sorry. i don’t know what the hell i’m typing. i’m exhausted. by that time last night - and now as i type - i’m starting to feel like i’m losing it. i suppose that i don’t need to go into any detail; i’m keeping a pretty clear log of all of that.

everything is locked up. everything is good. at about 2 AM i decided to nap under the glow of my extra smoke alarm.

i have been having these horrible dreams lately. this factory is collapsing all around me, and i end up in a deep pit full of debris, but there is no one at the top to pick me up. i keep trying to claw my way up, but i end up sinking further.

that’s another nice thing about sleeping on the chair in the living room, i’ve never had sleep paralysis sleeping upright.

when i woke up, it was 3 AM. just a few winks.

the last couple of hours were spent staring at the ceiling. too tired to think. oddly enough, that helps the time pass.

last night was fine

…

tonight, for reasons i have forgotten, i am up all night

she is a heavy sleeper. the noise can’t get to her. i am jealous. i haven’t bothered her about the laundry closet or my missing book.

i’m losing it.

the pipes will be quiet soon. i’ll take a nap under the pulsing glow of my extra smoke alarm.

i have been having these horrible dreams lately. this factory is sinking into the ground, and i can’t escape it, no matter how hard i try. i call out, but i’m too angry, so no one listens.

every time i take the dog outside, i forgot to lock the doors. maybe i do it on purpose.

i opened the living room closet to check my junk box, but i can’t find it.

there’s something going on around here. if she doesn’t realize something is wrong i’ll have to make up an excuse for her to leave. maybe we should all leave. maybe this place isn’t fixable.

i’ll probably spend the most of the night staring at the living room closet, but i don’t want to think about it.