I’m 30 and horrible at keeping friends. I don’t know if it’s the unschooling or the autism, but I’m told I come across as hostile when I think I’m being nice.

I know the basics. I make eye contact but not too much, I ask people about themselves and their interests to show I’m interested, I don’t dominate conversations with myself and my own interests. I try to be a nice person people might want to keep around, too— I give money when someone’s in a pinch, I remember birthdays, I help move, et cetera.

Eventually people either people tell me I’m being a dick in ways I never realized, or more likely, they just eventually stop messaging me back.

The one thing I’m sure I struggle with is body language. I’ve read a lot that you need to mirror the other person’s body language, but I don’t know how to do that. Especially since I normally meet people at work and we’re usually pushing big carts around and moving products and I’m just not thinking about my body as something expressive, just practical.

I’m sure I have many more blind spots that I’m not even aware of.

So like… are there classes for this? Some kind of specialized therapy? I don’t really want to try anymore unless I can stop being a dick

  • recursive_recursion they/them@lemmy.caEnglish
    9·
    2 months ago

    perhaps joining a in-person social club might help such as:

    • cooking
    • gardening
    • knitting
    • pottery
    • escape rooms
    • any sport
    • boardgames
    • hacker/maker spaces
    • movie discussions
    • Alice@beehaw.orgOPEnglish
      8·
      2 months ago

      I’ve tried but I work 8-5 and through the weekend, I can’t find anything compatible with my hours 😭 I’d love to join one of the local hiking groups someday

      • recursive_recursion they/them@lemmy.caEnglish
        7·
        2 months ago

        dang

        that’s honestly totally fair, it’s hard to do hobbies and stuff when you’re restricted by your work schedule :/

        I’d love to join one of the local hiking groups someday

        that sounds fun especially when trekking around the parks!🤗

    • nofobEnglish
      2·
      2 months ago

      I’ll add dancing to this list. It’s certainly possible to just show up, do the steps, and leave, but it’s an atmosphere where talking to people is very easy.

      If you go to a class for a few weeks/months, you’ll start hearing about other classes, or events. You also might end up finding that you have other connections with some people who you dance with.

      I speak from experience here. I’m not very good at people, started dancing for that reason, and my time dancing has helped noticably, according to an old, long distance friend.