VOY 3x26: Scorpion Part 1

Is there some kind of Starfleet form I can sign to opt out of transporter hacks you “just came up with”?

  • Agent641@lemmy.world
    8·
    3 months ago

    Could I theoretically lock onto the poop in my lower intestine and the piss in my bladder and beam them out of myself so I don’t have to go to the toilet?

    • Admiral Patrick@dubvee.orgOPEnglish
      6·
      3 months ago

      Lol, a few years ago on the alien site, I wrote a scene for The Orville as a “what if The Orville suddenly got transporters” That was basically the premise of it.

      If there’s interest, and I can find it (I saved it to a text file somewhere before nuking my account), I can post it here.

        • Admiral Patrick@dubvee.orgOPEnglish
          6·
          3 months ago

          Found it in “Unsaved Document 4.txt” LOL

          MERCER: I have to pee. Bortus, you have the conn.

BORTUS: Aye, sir.

MALLOY: Why not just use the teleporter?

GRAYSON: You pee in the teleporter booth? That's disgusting!

MALLOY: What?! No! Of course not. Watch.

[The bridge crew watch as Mallloy presses buttons on his console to initiate a site-to-site teleport. He then switches the main screen to display a view off the starboard bow where an amber blob of liquid materializes and begins to boil and freeze into an icy nebula]

MALLOY: Ahhhhh.

MERCER: Did you just...? Gordon, you're relieved.

MALLOY: You bet I am!

MERCER: No, I mean get out.

GRAYSON: Wait a minute. I remember right after we got the teleporters installed, we spent two months in orbit around Galavar VI. During that time their moon mysteriously and miraculously developed a ring system. That was you?

LAMARR: Yeah, I, uh, might have helped with that.

ALARA: Me too.

MALLOY: Yeah, and even Issac got in on it.

ISSAC: That is impossible as I am an artificial lifeform and do not produce urine. However, I do require periodic coolant flushes which could be considered crudely analogous.

MALLOY: And do you have any record of coolant flushes during that time?

ISSAC: [BEAT] I do not. To use your parlance: You. Bastard.

BORTUS: Is that why my Ja'loja is late this year? Dr. Finn was unable to determine...[INTERRUPTED BY MERCER]

MERCER: [PICARD FACEPALM] Oh my God. [BEAT] You know what? It's fine. Gordon, you're fine. Return to your station and set a course for Galavar VI. We've got to go tell them their holy miracle ring is just a bunch of piss. It's fine.

GRAYSON: Ed?

MERCER: You know what they say: there's a good story and a bunch of idiots behind every warning label.
          • cordlesslamp
            2·
            3 months ago

            LoL I wouldn’t surprise if this is actually a real idea from the show’s writers. Fit the show so well. Though the show’s runners has made it clear that they do not want to use a teleporter because the story would be much more interesting without one or something like that.