her, expolde
Join our puplic Matrix server! https://matrix.to/#/#tracha:chapo.chat
As a reminder, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It’s for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
cw abuse, ableism, other stuff I'll probably mention
bad shit
I grew up with a lot of abuse, I got hit with canes, belts (including with the buckle) I got hit with whatever was at hand, partly for what I learned later for autistic traits, or made an example in front of strangers when out when I didn’t want to eat or something like that. I got years of this growing up and also because I’d want to not be put in the boy box, not allowed to play with anything but what I was given, i couldn’t play with makeup or play with a fucking rabbit toy my sister had or a post office, because they were hers… I’d get verbal and mental/physical abuse, I have scars from it.
When I transitioned and told my mother she’d try to gaslight me they had no idea I was trans or anything of the sort, but before this I’d just have random shitty comments dropped from her or her husband “oh there was this t-slur at the market this week” then go into all detail about their thoughts on this person, that’s just some of the weird random shit I’d have to put up with. I was alienated from them since my teens, they couldn’t tell you anything I was into, they couldn’t tell you anything about me as a person, they never had any interest in me.
I got more shit when I came out to them, and eventually I finally cut contact.
I think there’s some disconnect that can happen with estranged parents. Where they don’t try to understand their child, or get to know them as they grow either. So part of it could be that disconnect where they don’t really understand their child as an adult and how different they are as a person. So you get slips or head empty comments here or there.
Also sorry for my trauma dump :
spoiler
That fucking sucks. That weird style of manipulation and judgement. My father wouldnt do stuff like that specifically in public, but when alone he would share all the weird bullshit (i remember when my stepbrother came out as a lesbian my dad was very normal about it and didnt have anything homophobic to stay at all, no sir-y bob
he absolutely did and even at age 8 i could tell it was fucked up)
Yeah, the saving grace of the relationship is that, while he doesnt understand me and doesnt seem to try to understand me, he doesnt try to box me in, or constrain me. So theres this middle ground where I can try to show up with him. But i also just dont cause most of the time it just hurts
i talk to him over email only at this point and we exchange an email every month or two.
spoiler
Mhm stuff I try not to dump too often it’s bad shit recounting it, especially when a memory comes out to greet you… thankfully I don’t feel much about it now.
At least that’s something, if only they understood the pain they can cause.
My parents not understanding me would hurt me when I was younger but then I was afraid of them wanting to know me… more things to use against me or hurt me like they had already. I always wanted something more than what I got from them, I put up with too much for too long.
spoiler
Im glad it has less of an impact on you now, and is less painful.
spoiler
I’m pretty chill as a person and don’t really get upset much (ash will confirm) it’s more like the hurt is filed into it’s own little box along with the anger and everything else surrounding it, it’s part of me but so deep to not ever see the light of day again.
Thank you<3