Hello!
My boyfriend (21) and I (21) have been in a relationship for almost 3 years. Due to a 3 hour distance we see each other once a week. We have been having issues for a couple of months because he got severely depressed and is very distant towards me. I try to support him as much as i can, even though itās hard sometimes. Especially yesterday because it was my birthday and he didnāt want to meet up due to his mental state. He also didnāt talk to me all day and I always put in a lot of effort for his birthday (even though he rejected everything i planned this year because of his depression).
Anyways, i had an ex when i was 16-17, who was also my best friend and my neighbor. We started dating and he started doing heavy drugs. He was an alcoholic and an addict. He was in hospital 3 times for overdosing and due to all this he was also emotionally abusive. I carry a lot of trauma from that relationship, so my opinion of drugs (doesnāt matter if itās weed or cocaine) is extremely not good. I hate it.
I told my boyfriend about this when we started dating and he agreed. A few months ago he went to the Netherlands and tried weed and mushrooms. It bothered me a lot so I told him that I thought i made myself clear. He said he only tried it for fun and wonāt do it again.
Yesterday he confessed to me that he was taking lsd and mushrooms when he goes to work because he hates work so much and he also, a week ago, tried meth (since then he hasnāt been able to eat or sleep and he told me that itās because of his depression) I was flabbergasted of course. Just a week ago we talked about how taking drugs is stupid if itās not for medical reasons (and even that was a compromise from my side). He agreed with me (while doing drugs daily) AND THEN THE NEXT DAY tried meth.
He had never done any of these things before and did them knowing how i feel about it and did it without considering my feelings. I feel betrayed because he lied to me for 2 months.
At first he tried to blame me for my reaction "thatās why i canāt tell u things like thisā and "you donāt understand how i feelā. He said that itās easy to judge from the outside but i donāt understand? i always consider him when i do things. I would never do things i know he doesnt like for fun.
I would maybe have understood a little bit if he was doing it before we got together but he wasnāt. He decided to do it and lie to me and now heās telling me that he hates sober life.
I am very lonely and i donāt have anyone but him so I am laying in bed now thinking about what i should do. I know i should break up but i need someone to tell me if this is fucked up or if i am just overreacting because i donāt have anyone to confide in right now.
š³
Gas lighting BS.
Girl, thatās something he needs to work out himself. This is something he needs therapy over and itās a huge giant red ass flag for him not being ready for a relationships.
This is super fucked up and WAY MORE than enough reason to break up. Not to punish him but to protect yourself. Do you truly want to spend the next period of your life wondering if he was doing drugs three hours away? With that sort or commute youāll be constantly forced to worry and wonder, this is such a massive breach of trust. Donāt fall for a sunk cost guilt trip, spending good years after bad with him hoping he improves will only breed resentment. Yāall donāt even have a basic framework of trust right now.
And I know this is a cliche and youāre an adult. But God 21 is still young, donāt waste time with Meth heads when you could be spending it with someone who respects, understands and cares about your boundaries.
GL Hon. Iām so sorry this is happening.
That super sucks. Happy birthday btw! ā„
š³
Gas lighting BS.
Girl, thatās something he needs to work out himself. This is something he needs therapy over and itās a huge giant red ass flag for him not being ready for a relationships.
This is super fucked up and WAY MORE than enough reason to break up. Not to punish him but to protect yourself. Do you truly want to spend the next period of your life wondering if he was doing drugs three hours away? With that sort or commute youāll be constantly forced to worry and wonder, this is such a massive breach of trust. Donāt fall for a sunk cost guilt trip, spending good years after bad with him hoping he improves will only breed resentment. Yāall donāt even have a basic framework of trust right now.
And I know this is a cliche and youāre an adult. But God 21 is still young, donāt waste time with Meth heads when you could be spending it with someone who respects, understands and cares about your boundaries.
GL Hon. Iām so sorry this is happening.