If you haven’t heard this cliche while discussing your neurodivergency with someone, then I envy your luck. Yesterday I fucked up, I feel shitty, but also I am pissed.
Our brains are impulsive af and tend to forget the most important information. We mess up, our RSD (and empathy) kicks in, we feel terrible, we vow to be more careful, but guess what? Thats fucking exhausting.
As a result, we start overthinking our every waking moment, stressing over every little thing. Because, we are trying to be aware of the things we cannot perceive.
At some point, hopefully we realize that we cannot live like that, and we start to arbitrarily ignore our compulsion to overthink. Most often that works out great because most often the threat is not real, but sometimes we make the wrong call.
The times we overthink are still more than the times we do not, and we still mess up. Let us have our fucking peace.
I think it should be relative to the person’s abilities. 8 hours of work, laundry, 50 minutes focussed studying, healthy dinner, remembering aunt’s birthday and bedtime at 10 might seem reasonable to most. Some with ADHD might also pull it off. For others, their best is to do one of those things after work.
Different people, good and bad days. Absolute measure & judgement for everybody is the problem.
Lol, I never try to remember birthdays. I think days that are meant to make people feel special (aside from children) are inherently unhealthy. Valentine’s , birthdays, mother’s Day, father’s day… all days with false expectations that can wreck havoc on a person’s moral when it doesn’t unfold as they selfishly desire.
I found this stance works particularly well once I let this view be known to those around me, and everyone is happier for it.
When I do special things for people it’s because I want to, and they know it, making it infinitely more special and intimate.