It’s a sunny day, we’re outside, good mood, drinking a coffee. I try to strike a conversation, my gf says its too early for philosophical discussions. I tell her we can instead talk about whatever she feels like. She says she doesn’t want to talk about anything. We weirdly sit in silence for a while. I tell her it’s weird to me, we argue. Is this normal?
What time of day was it? Some people don’t like conversation early in the morning. You may have seen coffee mugs with lines down the side that say “now you may speak” at the bottom, once they’re done drinking their coffee.
Was there other noise? If there was pretty birdsong or frogs croaking, maybe she was enjoying listening to that.
Or maybe she’s got a problem and doesn’t know how to bring it up with you.
We were in the garden, and she was on her phone.
Ok, maybe she was really into what she was reading in that moment.
Could be, and there would be nothing wrong with that. But I wouldn’t be posting about it if it were a one time thing. She does this often.
It could just be that she prefers a more relaxed downtime than you, where she doesn’t have to constantly articulate thoughts. I’m like that a lot of the time.
This is most probably it. Another commenter pointed out they grew in a household where silence meant something is wrong. It was like that for me, too. Grew up in a fun household :)
Communication is paramount in a healthy relationship.
It sounds like your girlfriend is not a morning person. She needs to be left alone in the AM to get the coffee in and “wake up”. For some people, “wake up” can take a few hours. Your girlfriend needed to convey that to you, not shut you down. And frankly that is a conversation all couples need to have early on with each other. This way both partners can respect the other to prevent fights and misunderstandings.
Since she in not telling you this, maybe ask her about it during a time when she is fully recharged and willing to talk. Scrolling away on her phone obviously made you feel ignored and the silence added to that discomfort. Convey that in a way that let’s her understand that you just wanted to enjoy her company during a really nice moment together.
And about the kids… do you both agree on the children issue? Or do one of you want them and the other does not. That might have been part of the shutdown if that’s the case. Just a guess on my part.