She’s been drinking a mug of black coffee with me in the mornings occasionally. I have a drip maker that I put 4 teaspoons Maxwell House in. Nothing beyond that.

I got this message around 11AM. We drank the coffee around 715-730.

I get that I wasn’t exactly the most sensitive I could have been, but I’m a rural mail carrier. I had to respond while stopped at a mailbox and we are GPS tracked. I get in trouble if I spend too much time stopped.

  • BarbecueCowboy@lemmy.worldEnglish
    472·
    4 months ago

    So, you’re not wrong, but you’ve also missed the point of the interaction. This wasn’t a conversation where exchange of information was the goal, this was a bid for you to validate her feelings. The response she was seeking was empathy for what she was dealing with and by adding context and trying to explain it instead, you’ve kind of headed in the opposite direction.

    Yes, I know, it’s incredibly frustrating.

      • BarbecueCowboy@lemmy.worldEnglish
        51·
        4 months ago

        So, just from experience, be careful with that line of thinking. I thought the same, ive had friends who thought the same, and none of us had those relationships work out. Every relationship is unique, but sometimes instead of there not being a problem, your partner may just not tell you it’s a problem until it’s too late.

        • intensely_human@lemm.eeEnglish
          1·
          3 months ago

          A person who says “I’m glad my fiancé communicates directly” is not reporting a lack of problems being discussed.

          In fact the only way to know that your spouse communicates directly is for them to have directly communicated about problems.

          • BarbecueCowboy@lemmy.worldEnglish
            1·
            3 months ago

            So, the problem is… if they haven’t explicitly worked on it, it’s more likely that their fiancee just isn’t communicating problems to them and is just letting them fester inside and telling them everything is ‘fine’. Everyone is different, but statistically women are the initiators for the majority of divorces and one of the key commonalities is that it’s tremendously common that the men were surprised because they thought things were going great and their former partner was ‘different’ and ‘special’. The majority of us aren’t going to be special though. There’s a reason it’s one of the first things you learn about in marriage counseling (Honestly, it’s nearly the entirety of marriage counseling) and if you think you’ve solved the problem, it’s more likely that you just aren’t doing it right.