I’m very introverted, so loneliness was usually not a big problem for me. But now I feel like I just need some more people to talk to. Just something else to do besides work.
How do you all do it?
I’m very introverted, so loneliness was usually not a big problem for me. But now I feel like I just need some more people to talk to. Just something else to do besides work.
How do you all do it?
It’s true (not trying to put OP on blast here) that if someone is asking how to meet people that is probably more indicative of an underlying issue where they aren’t pursuing self-actualization by cultivating special interests or hobby skills. If you are doing those you tend to encounter & attract kindred spirits fairly easily.
Uhh what’s up with this Jordan Peterson BS you’re spouting? This sounds like some “clean your room” shit.
no ur right, doing literally anything to make yourself not the most boring person imaginable is the same as cryptofascism
This is wrong and bordering on victim-blaming.
And now you’re not just bordering on it anymore. Muslimmarxist is right, this is Jordan Peterson level garbage. I have always had many hobbies and am interested in more things than I have time to even begin to explore with the kind of depth I’d like to (without cutting into the time I devote to other interests and passions). Even so, I have in the past and for extended periods had tremendous difficulty meeting people due to extreme social phobia.
Implying that people who suffer from loneliness aren’t pursuing self-actualization or aren’t cultivating their interests is a form of ableism. While it is possible that a lack of interests could be why someone is lonely, in most cases it has nothing to do with it. It’s like saying “the reason you don’t have a job is because you’re lazy.” Like, maybe? but just as likely not, and it serves as another thought-terminating cliche that people privileged enough to not suffer from that problem can tell themselves to avoid recognizing the deeper and more pernicious systemic issues. Just as a person can have no hobbies but still be very social and outgoing, a person can have numerous and profound passions but no friends.
In addition to that, many (even most?) hobbies can be done either socially or completely in solitary. Sometimes a hobby that a person is passionate about can even take up so much of their time and attention that they lose social skills and opportunities for social interactions. It’s a little ironic that you used rock climbing as an example because I was recently watching some Alex Honold (who is probably the world’s most famous rock climber at this point) interviews where he said that he developed his love of rock climbing because it was something solitary that he could go off and do on his own, being a friendless introvert who had trouble relating with people around him. Please don’t reinforce the potentially harmful misconception that lonely and isolated people are that way because they just don’t have enough interests, or even that developing more interests will somehow help alleviate that loneliness and isolation. Neither are remotely true.
Okay, but none of that is relevant to what OP asked, which is how they can meet people, not how they get over their extreme social phobia.
Also that’s great for Alex Honnold’s conception of climbing, a guy who is literally famous for being a guy who climbs alone and who started climbing before the sport exploded in popularity in the early 2010s, but that is not the case for basically every other person who takes up the sport.
It’s relevant to what you were saying the problem was with OP’s predicament, which you were wrong about.
It was for me. Doesn’t matter if it’s not the common rock-climbing experience (and I’d bet it’s more common than you realize). It still shows that your reasoning for why people tend to be alone is completely vapid. The fact remains, a person can take up rock climbing and have such a hobby that never alleviates their loneliness no matter how serious they get about that activity and no matter how self-actualized they become. Your original statements to that effect are nonsense and it’s unfortunate you can’t seem to just accept that and try to be better about it in the future.
It so happens that Alex Honnold now often climbs with friends and has many videos where he does so, but it’s because he addressed deeper issues, overcame systemic obtacles our capitalist society erects that especially impede neurodivergent people with social difficulties, and made efforts to put himself into social situations, not because he took up the hobby in the first place. His solitude was not because he was failing at “pursuing self-actualization by cultivating special interest or hobby skills” because he has been able to do that in a way to a greater degree than most humans ever will. He was also fortunate enough to eventually get so good and proficient at his solitary “hobby” as to be financially self sufficient and relatively well-off, things that make it infinitely easier to overcome the social alienation we all experience under capitalism but that hit people with social anxieties and certain personality disorders much harder (which is part of why what you said is in fact ableist). Like countless other people, he spent many years being deeply passionate about an activity, finding himself through it, but still lived an intensely solitary lifestyle. He was living out a van all by himself and without any other home, traveling to wherever he wanted to climb at that moment.
Whether that’s common or not, (and I’d argue it’s quite common to have many hobbies and interests but still struggle with isolation and loneliness) it puts the lie to what you said about the problem so many people have with meeting others, even having to ask how to do so or to interact in social settings, being due to their failure to self-actualize or develop interests or hobbies. It’s a sweeping ableist generalization based in ignorance. And then you doubled down on it in an even more derogatory way when muslimmarxist correctly called it out. Just…
disengage