I’ve been in therapy for 10 years, and with my current therapist for 4 of them. I love him and he’s great, and don’t get me wrong therapy is a life saver, but I recently hung out with a childhood friend and we talked about some deep things. My therapist is a pro and doesn’t offer advice other than helping perspective shifts, but my friend made some observations and suggestions that hit home. He just straight up said “huh, it sounds like you should call your mom more” and “you know, I see what you do and I don’t think the weed has been stopping your productivity, but if it’s in the way of happiness you need to do what you need to do” (my big thing with weed was I would kick myself for not getting shit done while high).
I realized I haven’t really opened up much to friends and partners, primarily because I’d say “I’ll just hold this for therapy”. Way long ago I dated someone who was very “I’m not your therapist, please leave that for Tuesday”, and I kinda kept that. It’s easy for me to talk to someone who doesn’t know anyone in my life and I trust will be neutral, but at the same time I have had trouble communicating with people in my outside life.
I dunno, just was a thought.
“Save it for Tuesday” is a shit attitude in my opinion. A little more constructive would be “I’m glad you opened up to me and here’s what I think but that also sounds like something to discuss with your therapist.”
I can’t offer any other good advice as I’ve only seen a therapist once but I’d assume it’s possible to get as much as you can out of one person and then find someone else who can help you grow further.
(Just realized this is the bipolar group and I’m depressive and anxious but not bipolar, fwiw.)
This might be more about opening up to close people for the first time since a while and feelings that go with that, and less about any therapist or external help holding you back. It’ll always be different to discuss with close people, because they have a different place in your life compared to the psych, who is conveniently outside of it. I think this can co-exist happily.
Therapy is great, but a good social support system helps as well. They have different effects and neither is perfect. I’d recommend using both, especially if you have some good people in your life willing to listen and offer sound advice.
Sometimes when my wife has to deal with hard decisions about family things, I listen but then have to tell her I’m not sure what would be the best way to handle it is. I recommend her to ask her therapist because her therapist was a social worker and has dealt with some of the situations she chooses to face.
I can be overly cautious and not want to offer any thoughts that might lead to a bad outcome.
Sometimes we explore chatgpt for answers together, but it can be awful for that. I’m glad you have a friend to talk about an insecurity with.I’ve had lots of bad advice from friends or family that I have to just ignore, and that can eventually make me want to stop talking to people about those issues. I am a little too stoic and lean on thinking I should just toughen up.
If you have a partner it’s definitely important to be able to talk to them in a deep way, if they are short and it seems off, it might be good to see if you can extract what really might be making them act that way. Everyone has their scars.
Your therapist should be helping YOU make that realization. They actually have an ethical obligation not to make recommendations like that, as far as I’m concerned.
But friends are definitely supposed to tell one another what they’re seeing, that’s what friends are for!