It’s not defeatist it’s not letting your abuser have control over you especially when your life or the lives of your loved ones are in immediate Danger. I want to say find a politician that is using political violence against you and use actual violence, but you don’t have to when their somewhere willing to protect and give you freedom just 10 hours away. You can create change by simply walking away as well. Not everyone needs to be a martyr, not everyone can wait years or even months for the change they need. You can impact federal laws by not giving them your body for census and taxes. Back during the Jim crow south, I can’t imagine telling someone that they should hope for change while one of their relatives hangs from a tree or tell a parent of a raped little girl that’s now pregnant they need to be the ones standing and fighting. Fighting looks different and I support those that choose to fight. But no one is the Arbiter of what that looks like.