? The “family computer” is one of my computers (I have a laptop and a desktop, they choose) that’s in an open space. I unlock it for them (usually from my phone), tell them what they are allowed to do and how long they can use it, and then let them on it with pretty much no supervision and no filtering/tracking. I don’t look at their browsing history (I trust them), but if I find out they were breaking the rules, they lose that privilege. We’ve only had a couple of incidents (usually they’re watching stupid YouTube videos we don’t like), but they’ve largely done a good job of sticking to our rules, and I’ll always explain why those rules exist. They earn computer time by reading (15 min for every 30 min they read), and they keep track of their own time (again, we don’t track it, but they will get grounded from the computer if they lie).
I want them to experiment with things as much as possible, but within some safety guidelines. If they’re going to stumble on something bad, I want them to do it while they’re young enough to tell me about it. IMO, that’s the best way for them to learn proper boundaries. For example, my kid told me about some cool jumps at the park someone made, so I went over there with them, we rode on a few, and then I told them they’re totally fine to come back, but that one jump didn’t look safe and they should avoid it. Now I let them go pretty much whenever they want with their friends without me or anyone else watching, provided they don’t have other obligations. If they get hurt, we live a couple blocks away, so they can get home, or if someone is seriously hurt, they can send someone. My kids are pretty careful though, so chances are they would be the ones finding help.
My level of supervision scales with the danger. My kids know where they’re allowed and not allowed to go, and they know they’ll lose their privileges if I find out they went somewhere they’re not allowed to go. I have taken away my kid’s bike for that (took off the front wheel and hid it), so they know I’m serious. But they also know I’m reasonable, and if they want to expand where they’re allowed to go, they talk to me and we discuss any relevant safety concerns I have (e.g. crossing busy roads, knowing directions, etc).
I try to give them more freedom than they’re comfortable with, but not so much that they’ll get into serious trouble so they set their own boundaries. My goal here isn’t to keep them safe in the short-term, but to teach them to to make reasonable boundaries to keep them safe in the long term.
My parents didn’t have “rules” so much as “expectations,” and they seemed to work pretty well for us. All of us kids did well in school, had healthy social relationships, are happily married, etc. They gave us a lot of leeway, but only once we had shown we were ready for it.
That’s essentially what I’m trying to build. I want my kids to see me as a counselor, not a rule-maker, but I do want them to respect my authority to step in if they veer too far outside my expectations. If my kids want to do something that we currently don’t allow, they’ll present their argument and I’ll give my concerns (e.g. my 10yo wanted to know when they could babysit, and I told them my maturity expectations). So far it seems to be working well, we’ll see how the teenage years go.
? The “family computer” is one of my computers (I have a laptop and a desktop, they choose) that’s in an open space. I unlock it for them (usually from my phone), tell them what they are allowed to do and how long they can use it, and then let them on it with pretty much no supervision and no filtering/tracking. I don’t look at their browsing history (I trust them), but if I find out they were breaking the rules, they lose that privilege. We’ve only had a couple of incidents (usually they’re watching stupid YouTube videos we don’t like), but they’ve largely done a good job of sticking to our rules, and I’ll always explain why those rules exist. They earn computer time by reading (15 min for every 30 min they read), and they keep track of their own time (again, we don’t track it, but they will get grounded from the computer if they lie).
I want them to experiment with things as much as possible, but within some safety guidelines. If they’re going to stumble on something bad, I want them to do it while they’re young enough to tell me about it. IMO, that’s the best way for them to learn proper boundaries. For example, my kid told me about some cool jumps at the park someone made, so I went over there with them, we rode on a few, and then I told them they’re totally fine to come back, but that one jump didn’t look safe and they should avoid it. Now I let them go pretty much whenever they want with their friends without me or anyone else watching, provided they don’t have other obligations. If they get hurt, we live a couple blocks away, so they can get home, or if someone is seriously hurt, they can send someone. My kids are pretty careful though, so chances are they would be the ones finding help.
My level of supervision scales with the danger. My kids know where they’re allowed and not allowed to go, and they know they’ll lose their privileges if I find out they went somewhere they’re not allowed to go. I have taken away my kid’s bike for that (took off the front wheel and hid it), so they know I’m serious. But they also know I’m reasonable, and if they want to expand where they’re allowed to go, they talk to me and we discuss any relevant safety concerns I have (e.g. crossing busy roads, knowing directions, etc).
I try to give them more freedom than they’re comfortable with, but not so much that they’ll get into serious trouble so they set their own boundaries. My goal here isn’t to keep them safe in the short-term, but to teach them to to make reasonable boundaries to keep them safe in the long term.
Sounds like the rules my parents had for me, not the ones I have for my kids. Not quite boomer rules, but almost. You do you, tho.
My parents didn’t have “rules” so much as “expectations,” and they seemed to work pretty well for us. All of us kids did well in school, had healthy social relationships, are happily married, etc. They gave us a lot of leeway, but only once we had shown we were ready for it.
That’s essentially what I’m trying to build. I want my kids to see me as a counselor, not a rule-maker, but I do want them to respect my authority to step in if they veer too far outside my expectations. If my kids want to do something that we currently don’t allow, they’ll present their argument and I’ll give my concerns (e.g. my 10yo wanted to know when they could babysit, and I told them my maturity expectations). So far it seems to be working well, we’ll see how the teenage years go.