I’m in a not dissimilar position to you, right down to the childhood karate, and really resonate with your post. Except I’m 4 years older and my relationship has been going for 4 years older. It’s always weird and scary to understand these things, and can be very hard to share with your partner. I’ve been talking to a therapist about some of this stuff recently and they recommended reading the work of Meg John Barker, particularly the material on plurality. They have a lot of material available on line for free and it’s all short, really worth a read. The guist of it is that as a person you are likely plural, made up of multiple different “personas” that can be thought of the sources of various emotions/feelings, and it’s likely that one of more of them are not the gender you’re assigned at birth. You can embrace this at times without fully transitioning, or use it as a way to experiment 5o see if you want to live full time as a woman. I have so much respect for the girls here who have done it, but it looks like a challenging ordeal, even once you’re passing, and it is further complicated by already being in a cis het relationship with someone you love, means there is a lot more on the line. Wish you all the best in figuring all this out (and maybe when you do you can let me know xD )
Love to hear it. I’m only saying it’s lame cause I’m burned out with my work rn. Biology is beautiful regards