The text on this screenshot of the article, in case anyone is interested.
You think English is easy? Check out the following.
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The bandage was wound around the wound.
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The farm was cultivated to produce produce.
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The dump was so full that the workers had to refuse more refuse.
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We must polish the Polish furniture shown at the store.
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He could lead if he would get the lead out.
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The soldier decided to desert his tasty dessert in the desert.
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Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present to his girlfriend.
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A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
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When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
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I did not object to the object which he showed me.
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The insurance was invalid for the invalid in his hospital bed.
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There was a row among the oarsmen about who would row.
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They were too close to the door to close it.
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The buck does funny things when the does (females) are present.
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A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
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To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
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The wind was too strong to wind the sail around the mast.
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Upon seeing the tear in her painting she shed a tear.
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I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
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How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Heteronyms
These are brilliant. Homonyms or homographs are words of like spelling, but with more than one meaning and sound.
When pronounced differently. they are known as heteronyms.
Nice, thanks!
Thanks for posting it! It’s an enjoyable read.
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THE CHAOS
by Dr. Gerard Nolst TrenitéDearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Pray, console your loving poet,
Make my coat look new, dear, sew it!Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation’s OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.Pronunciation – think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won’t it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It’s a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.Finally, which rhymes with enough –
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!Thanks for sharing this poem. It was a lot of fun trying to recite it perfectly, and I learned a few new words!
Thanks for this
One of my favorite examples of crazy English is: “All of the faith that he had had had had no effect on the outcome of his life.”
On the exam, Johnny, while Bobby had had ‘had’, had had ‘had had’. ‘Had had’ had had a better effect on the teacher.
While cool, I’m not clear on how one can have ‘had’ or ‘had had’.
While Bobby wrote “had” on the exam, Johnny wrote “had had”.
I hate you.
The owner of a fish and chips shop in Blackpool was having a sign made. The sign painter drew a mock up, and showed it to the shop owner, but it was a little cramped. The shop owner asked the sign painter to “leave a little more space between fish and and and and and chips.”
Realising how funny it sounded he said, “wait, no, write that down! I can call my shop that!” The sign painte diligently drew up another draft, but again it was a little cramped. The shop owner, exasperated, said “no, now we need more space between fish and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and chips!”
He paused, and his face lit up, “write that down!” And so te sign painter…
No matter how many times I read this it makes no sense, why so many ands the first time?
A more detailed version of the sentence would be:
We need more space between the word fish & the word and, & the word and & the word chips
3 of the "and"s are the literal actual word “and”, while the other two are referring to the word “and” on the sign.
That helped, thank you!
A comma after the first two ands would make things clearer.
Like ands through the hourglass, so are the days of lives
I’ve always heard English is three languages stacked up and wearing a trench coat.
Two languages stacked up wearing a French coat
This is a terrible example. All these sentances are easy to understand the meaning of.
There are also sentances like this in other languages(ex.: As fi luat o noua broasca la ora noua, dar m-a oprit o broasca.)
Yes I think many languages have homonyms.
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8 and 20 got me. Honestly never used the word “intimate” in that context before. I don’t even know where the stress is.
The latter of the two is “INtimate”, I’m assuming the former is “intiMATE”.
Inti-mate and inti-met.
In the first one mate is sounded like mate. The second one is probably the one you’re used to saying.
I believe the second half of the word is pronounced mate as you have written but the stress is still on the “IN”.
Finland: laughs in
kuusi palaaVery nice! Fun fact: half of these homonyms work in neo-Latin languages, too.
Umm… these aren’t homonyms in English 🙂.
They are heteronyms, which means same spelling but pronounced differently.
In some cases also can classify as homophones.Nope, it’s bull, homophones and heteronyms go to different bars.
Then they wouldn’t be heteronyms.
If by “cases” you mean accent, then that’s certainly a possibility.
I Misunderstood what heteronyms where supposed to be.
Yep, pretty much opposite of what homophones are.
Well some of them are, like Polish and polish. I agree that different pronounciation is pretty exclusive, though.
I’m pretty sure they’re all heteronyms in spoken English and make sense only if you use two pronunciations of the duplicated word.
In my accent Polish/polish are pronounced differently. In what accent are they the same?
Variation:
Number 10; I wonder what object he showed her 😈
I object get to your object being in the gutter to the sewer with the sewers
“he” was a chicken
I know this is really just pointing out some amusing homonyms for laughs, but languages aren’t really harder or easier to learn. How hard or easy you find a language depends on you, the languages you know and how different the other language is.
It’s common to hear that English is hard because English is the most common second language, so there’s are just more people who’ve tried to learn it and thus more people who’ve struggled.
I’ve never heard anyone saying English is hard. The only hard part of English is the pronunciation, because it doesn’t make sense, you just have to know all the words…
It’s wide adoption has probably been helped by the ease of learning its basics.
It’s not hard, it’s just that you have to know everything!
…that makes it hard!
Nah. If I say “I thinked” instead of “I thought”, I’m pretty sure you’re going to understand me anyway. And with the written form you don’t have problems with stuff like “read-read” or “colonel”.
To my surprise, I have heard a lot of French people say English is easy to learn.
Why would that be surprising?
Because we barely pronounce anything compared to Romances
And these kind of articles always seems to have been written by monolinguist native English speakers, who have no idea that the mentioned examples are in no way exclusive to English, but is in fact just how most languages work.
It’s a lazy language tbh. One of the less complex
Just because we Americans pronounce everything with no clarity after the first syllable does not mean our ancient and ridiculous spelling, which may have worked for pre-Norman Saxons, is not complex.
Our verbs though are fucking baller. Almost no conjugation in most of them. And we have to be one of the few languages in the world where the present tense is not conjugated except for the third person singular (I go; you go; we go; they go; but he/she/it go𝑒𝑠).
Let me show you some Russian https://cheezburger.com/8488834304/trolling-russian-cursive
Anglos cannot accept their language is the easiest european one to learn for some reason.
It’s actually funny how they try to convince themselves of the complexity of their language, often the only one they know. xD
The only thing I found hard about learning English is that you can’t just read the word to know how it’s pronounced. I do like to impress Americans with my uncanny capability to tell you the gender of objects.
