I’m an older millennial. My experience might not be typical since it was caused by serious illness as well as capitalism. When I was young I was idealistic and wanted to make the world a better place. I wanted to fight for human equality and animal rights, I really thought this is what I came to earth for. I worked a few different jobs, donating a chunk of my paychecks to causes I care about while trying to find out how to get more involved.

But then I got cancer, and the treatment caused me to have a stroke, which left me partially sighted and learning to walk again. I’m still in cancer treatment, it makes me exhausted and brain foggy, and I’ve developed chronic, severe migraines. But what makes this a million times worse is the UK benefit system. I can’t work any longer and had to sign on for disability benefits. They re-assess me frequently, and make me go through MRs and appeals. Last time I provided letters of support from my GP, physiotherapist, ophthalmologist and mental health team (because I’ve developed depression and anxiety from this constant stress, it got so bad I made a suicide attempt and am now in therapy). I also provided letters of support from a carer and social worker. Somehow at my last assessment I was awarded zero points. Now I’m going through appeal. My overdraft is maxxed out, I have no money, just debt.

This means my entire life now revolves around desperately trying to stay fed, while being extremely unwell and undergoing regular horrible medical treatments. My entire mental and physical energy are taken up with trying to find food, desperately trying to access food banks (difficult and time consuming), fight my appeal. I’ve taken to outright begging and shoplifting. I’ve been stealing food items from the local supermarket, one day in desperation I even sat in the street and asked passersby for spare change. I recently begged for money here on hexbear and a couple of kind souls gave me enough for some food. But every time someone charitable helps me get food, it of course always runs out and when it does it’s back to begging, shoplifting and starving. All for the crime of getting cancer.

You know what’s even more stupid? due to chronic starvation I developed multiple vitamin and mineral deficiencies, diagnosed by blood tests after I fainted in the street and someone called an ambulance. So now the NHS pays for me to have supplements. But the country won’t ensure me an income so I can buy food. How stupid is this! They won’t give me money, so I starve to the point I collapse and instead of doing the reasonable thing and ensuring I have food, they let me continue to starve but give me some vitamin pills. This worls is just absolutely sick.

So now I have no physical or mental energy to fight to make the world a better place. I feel completely hopeless, and like the world itself is hopeless because there are many people in an even worse situation than me. Millions, maybe billions. It’s all so overwhelming.